Nancy thought she had it all together. She loved the life she had; she loved her job, went to church, was a good wife, and was ready for the next phase of life. One small problem, she struggled with self-doubts. Now, Fred was devoted to Nancy. She hung the moon in his eyes; He was supportive and encouraging. Except… he also worshipped Nancy. Truly, she could do no wrong in his opinion. If she said, ‘jump,’ he asked, ‘how high?’ even if he was standing at the edge of a cliff. Nancy couldn’t stay on the pedestal Fred had her on. She knew that God should be first, but she liked being so completely the object of someone’s affections. Her parents had divorced when she was young, and she felt that her father never fully liked her for who she was (“You’re so like your mother”), so having Fred’s worship filled a void in her. However, her self-doubts crept in more and more as time wore on. She tried to keep being flawless, being everything that everyone wanted, and though she wanted to believe she was worthy of Fred’s worshipful devotion, she knew she was not. If she got angry, he would brush over it, agree to change whatever she wanted to change, even when she knew she was being completely unreasonable. His love seemed unconditional and perfect, but, yet, he drove her crazy. When she fell off the pedestal, she fell hard. She had had an affair with a co-worker who teased her about her imperfections, who challenged her temper, who made her feel ok for who she was in the moment, not some goddess image she could not achieve. Fred and Nancy divorced. The last time they saw each other, Fred kissed her as if nothing had ever happened, hoping she would pretend to be his again without ever addressing her infidelity. She wouldn’t be worshipped again.

     Do you worship together in your marriage? Or, do you worship your marriage? Is Christ preeminent in your marriage or is He simply a priority? Let’s explore worship of God and Christ’s preeminence together in the blog today.

     Let’s look at a brief explanation of worship. Worship is often portrayed as a Sunday morning song, but it is much more than that. Worship is and should be every aspect of our lives. It is how we speak to others, especially our spouse. It is our character and how we choose to reflect Christ or not. It is how we live our lives — our moment by moment decisions, responses, thoughts, emotions, and positions as we choose to focus on God or ourselves. Worship is personal and corporate. It is our every expression to God for who He is and for what He has done. As David wrote in the Psalm above, we can see that worship is an act of magnifying and exalting God. The sweet thing is that David is calling us to worship God together. Worship is not necessarily an individual act, although you can individually worship the Lord. But, we are created to be in community and our closest community is our spouse.  Shouldn’t we be more together in worship than anywhere else? And, if we are more together in worship and are drawing closer to the Lord, we make God bigger in our lives and in our marriage. If God is bigger in our lives, we start to see that God is bigger than our problems, frustrations, hurts, and the lists can go on and on.

     Do we worship God perfectly, even as believers? No, but we can learn and grow as we set aside our personal agendas and seek His face: the face that is full of mercy and grace. A true worshipper looks to God for direction and wisdom in every aspect of life, not just on Sunday morning. They bring God into even the little parts of life. Often we say, “God, I got this.” And, often we say that in marriage and don’t invite him in, especially if things are going well. What greater platform do we have to exemplify worshipping God than in our marriages?

     This is where we bring Christ’s preeminence into the picture. He is not first on the list of things, but He comes before, during, and after the list.  He should be the guide to our list and lives.

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Day begins with time with God

Evening ends with time with God

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     It is our choice to reflect Christ or hide Christ. He should be surpassing all other things and the shining path for our feet. The preeminence of Christ is a topic much bigger than this paragraph and blog. We encourage you to think deeply on the above verse and think about that concept in our personal life and marriage.

     Francis and Janice (Fran and Jan) had a similar start to their marriage as Fred and Nancy, except Jan was the one worshipping Fran. When Fran fell hard off his pedestal after infidelity, he and Jan looked hard at their marriage. They discussed their reemerging relationships with the Lord, their own weaknesses, details Jan needed to be able to deal with Fran’s adultery, and more. They sought their biblical community for accountability and for Bible study. Fran realized how much he had broken trust with Jan. Jan accepted responsibility for the uncomfortable position she had placed Fran in, and she realized his desire to escape from always having to be perfect for her. As they both put God in His preeminent place, their relationship grew stronger than it had been before his infidelity. Fifteen years later, they often have to make themselves remember the hard times in their marriage because they are so distant from where they once were.

     So, what is your greatest asset? Many people may refer to their house, 401k, car, savings account, or many other material type responses. Some may even refer to accomplishments like job promotions, educational achievements, intelligence quotient, number of children, or length of their marriage. We applaud that last one, but also ask if it has been a God-glorifying length of time or simply plodding through life only surviving or striving. As our last blog stated, we promote a thriving marriage with Christ preeminent.

     If Christ is preeminent, what is your spouse?

     Your spouse is to be your greatest asset. Would you agree? Have you looked to your spouse for more than just _________ (fill in the blank — examples: identity, sex, purpose, etc)? Do you see your spouse as your best gift God has graced you with outside of salvation? How do we get to seeing our spouse as our greatest asset?

     One flesh. You may have heard this verse before and the idea of our spouses being one flesh together. But have you actually thought of your spouse as being yourself? Being your own flesh? We talk about loving your neighbor as yourself and your spouse being your closest neighbor so that should strengthen our resolve to view our spouse as our greatest asset. So, what if you actually treated him/her as you would treat yourself? Would you yell at yourself in that way? Would you neglect yourself? Would you deny yourself ______ (fill in the blank)? Or, do you seek the best for yourself? Do you look at your needs and wants and satisfy those?

     When we revisit marriage again in June, we will talk more in depth about perspective shifts and our need to identify false beliefs that are driving our negative behaviors toward one another. For the next few weeks, read and medititate on the Scriptures above about marriage, and ask God to reveal areas where you are not viewing your spouse from the perspective of him or her being your greatest asset.