Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is great to be with you today despite all the cancellations and revisions as of late. Do last-minute cancellations get under your skin? What about the sound of a scraping fork? Someone drumming on the table or humming the same tune on repeat?

Ah, my friends, pet peeves. We’ve all got them, but some of us are better at controlling our responses to our pet peeve triggers than others. Mine is noise… random noises, repetitive noises, loud noises, white noises… you name it. Noises irritate me. There are times when I politely ask the family member who is tap-tap-tapping away to please stop, and there are times when I lose my witness demanding they stop.

Often, a person’s response to his or her pet peeve can move that reaction from being merely irritating to being sinful. Likewise, while most pet peeve behaviors are not sinful ones, they could be. For example, in our family, one of our younger sons who likes making a beat will intentionally make a louder, longer, more repetitive beat when a certain older brother is around because he knows how much he can annoy and control his brother’s outbursts. THIS is sinful behavior. It actually did not start that way, but as the older brother got angrier and began to scare his little brother with his frustrated responses, the original behavior became an anxiety response, Then, as little brother grew older, he realized how much control he wielded simply by pushing that pet peeve button. The whole cycle became sinful.

Another example would be when two people begin to be frustrated about a pet peeve and instead of dealing with the problem-causing behavior, the two begin to be vengeful or vindictive. Quietly stewing or intentionally getting back at the person who triggers you is sinful.

So, what do we do when someone we love is pushing our buttons with a pet peeve:

1. Be aware of your personal warning signs. Are you in a bad mood? Have other people intentionally bothered you today? Don’t go home and start yelling at everyone for living their lives. I, for one, am very guilty of this. When I am overwhelmed, the first thing that has to go is all that noise. Considering that three of my children and my husband all like to drop a beat and turn on music to unwind, you can imagine the chaos in my brain. THEY are making noise, but the issue is mine to handle respectfully.
2. Before you share, weigh whether the behavior is truly problematic. If your family member died tomorrow, would you miss the socks on the floor, the open cabinet, or the constant singing? Our guess is a resounding yes, so commit to pray for your loved one instead of internally complaining as you pick up the socks or close the cabinet.
3. Try stress relievers on your own, and reward yourself for your own good behavior in the face of someone else’s irritating ones. Now, use a quality reward; don’t go eat a cake. Katie Horwitch says, “Not everything is a mirror, but everything is an opportunity.” And, remember always that Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
4. Likewise, remember that you aren’t always easy to live with either. You aren’t Jesus. Maybe you need to review some ways you push other people’s buttons so that you can gain a better perspective.

And,

5. If the behavior is causing major strife, danger, or you just can’t get a handle on it, then you must address it.

Confronting a tough situation can be challenging, but confronting the issue does not have to be a confrontation with all the negative and argumentative elements. We are going to also give you five ways to properly address any pet peeve issue with a family member.

1. Pray, pray, and pray some more for clarification and resolution
2. Choose a time with no distractions – when you are not in a bad mood and when you are not feeling tempted to lose your temper.
3. Before you speak to your loved one, think up some solutions. Maybe the structure or situation needs to be changed. For example, multiple kids schooling at home – While you might have a room designated as the ‘school room,’ you may need to allow one of the kiddos to go to their room for some quiet, recharge time.
4. Make sure you point out positive qualities about your family member, too, while discussing the pet peeve behavior. Our loved ones need to know that their positive qualities are obvious as well.
5. And, finally, be willing to work on something that is bothering your loved one while asking them to work on something that is bothering you.

Thank you for joining us this morning, Five Minute Families. We are blessed here at Clear View Retreat to be living life with you, and we hope you will check out our website for more information. Have a great week. God bless!