Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning as we continue our deep dive into the fruit of the spirit. Science tells us that self-control is what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom, that the part of the brain where we find the ability of self-control is the prefrontal cortex and that is larger in humans than in any other mammal. Humans make decisions, plan, and problem-solve, all of which require self-control. Self-control is not a given simply because one grows older. It is a skill to be learned and practiced.

When I was a young girl, my mom had a traveling salesman who knocked on the door. He was selling a record with songs about the fruit of the spirit. My mother bought that record with the last $3 she had, and my sister and I sang those songs throughout our childhood. Then, when we became mamas, we began singing those songs to our children. More than 45 years later, the fruit of the spirit songs still ring in my mind – the one about self-control talks of kicking things when mad and eating too many sweets. Both of which families can relate to.

Proverbs 25:28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Titus 2:12 [God’s grace trains] us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

Please note, parents, that each of these major points we will share next have to be broken down further for the kiddos. We will get the ball rolling here, but remember not to just state the point and expect your kids to fully grasp the concept.

Shift your perspective. We parents may need to shift how we see things such as doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. If we are always complaining about these necessary tasks, we are less likely to structure our time toward doing them and thus less likely to exercise self-control in order to get them done. If we rethink about the tasks about the joy of playing in the yard with neighbor friends or the fun of getting to bake cookies once the counters are clean, we can use shifting our perspective to gain better self-control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Avoid temptations. When families are working through building self-control, we must look honestly at what tempts each of us. If your children fight every time your family goes on a long trip, then getting to the root of the temptation is necessary since avoiding the long trip may not be possible, but avoiding the arguments over which song, movie, or game gets played could be avoided by setting up a schedule or rotation long before the trip begins. In another example, if your family has a tendency to overeat at certain get-togethers, you may need to avoid buying too many desserts or snack foods to begin with.

Focus on one issue at a time. Just as 2 Peter 1:5-8 tells us, if we have gifts and they are increasing, then we are useful to the kingdom of God. We cannot, however, overwhelm the whole family by harping on every little issue of self-control. If your family is dealing with outbursts on school days, having meltdowns due to evening busy-ness, and ALSO constantly fighting before Sunday services, rethinking each of those issues all at once could cause burnout, especially on the parent’s side. But, if you choose one of those set of circumstances, evaluate what the push-button causes are, then you can give your energy in those moments, correcting your and your child’s self-control. Then, once that issue or moment is dealt with, then you can refocus to another.

Learn to delay gratification. Most of us must learn the skill and purpose of delayed gratification. By doing so, we see how self-control in the short term leads to good things in the long term. One way to do this is to set goals in saving and spending money through the use of chores. Parents, we have to do this as well in the family finances. Another way for a family to build self-control by managing delayed gratification is to let the kids learn from their mistakes. Do not create artificial consequences all the time nor save them from bad consequences all the time. Pray about the balance you need to find for each child you influence.

Finally, set good habits. Self-control is not about willpower. It is about drawing closer to God, listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and being disciplined to apply what we learn. Having good habits of Bible reading, using respectful tones when talking, and doing daily needs on a routine basis all help to ease the brain’s overload and give us space to breathe deeply and conquer some of the tougher stuff.

May God bless your family as you work on this aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed!