Good morning, Five Minute Families. What do you do when you as a family are not motivated to do something you know you need to do? Let’s use this following example today. Everybody in the family has experienced frustration with another family member’s device use. Everyone has agreed that each person’s behavior needs to change in some way (some more than others, most likely). Discussions have been held and promises have been made, but the reality of making the change sets in and everyone in the family still chases the next dopamine hit that their device gives their brain, and no real change occurs.

Being motivated to change something or set a goal in the family is far different than exercising the discipline needed to execute the change. Motivation is the desire to do something. But discipline is actually doing something that must be or should be done – whether you desire doing it right then or not. Hold tight to Hebrews 12:11 during any time of family discipline changes, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Begin by discussing and listing out each family member’s strengths and weaknesses. Do you have a morning person, a night owl, an organized person, a spontaneous person? You get the idea. God put your family together, whether through biology, adoption, or marriage, you are each a part of this unique family unit. Use each other strengths’ to your family’s advantage. If your family has a habit of everyone grabbing their phone or tablet right after they wake up, have the early riser in the family make breakfast (or set out the cereal), have all the curtains open and the lights one. When another family member awakens, they are greeted with a hardy and enthusiastic “good morning” and maybe a gentle reminder to put down the device if needed. Your spontaneous person can invite everyone outside for a walk or to the table for a board game. You get the idea.

Make preparations for the changes. To continue our device usage example, BEFORE the day of device change happening, you need to see if certain family members need to have apps installed that block usage during certain hours of the day. Maybe someone else needs to have a reward structure set up to see the changes in a visual. Kids especially will respond to sticker systems that allow them to earn stickers on a sheet that can then be turned in for device time or that can be turned in for cash or some other reward. Remember, parents, the reward must be something motivating to the individual person. The same reward will likely not work for all the children in the family. Maybe, your family needs to set up an alarm on each device, or a wi-fi cut off time for the entire household.

Those preparations tie into this point, which is remove temptation wherever you can. Remember to apply James 1:14, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” If you remove the device temptation from the nightstand or gathering room by planning a charging area that is away from the bedroom or the main gathering space, each person must think more deeply and longer about choosing to grab his or her device.

Along the same lines of preparing for the changes by setting up your space differently or removing temptations, you must also remember to prepare a clear list of goals. If your family is onscreen most of the day, going cold turkey from all devices may prove so daunting, that you all simply give up. Saying in a general way, “hey, we are gonna try to use our devices less this school year” doesn’t set a clear, definable goal. However, if you make a goal of using devices only so many hours per day, or a goal of no more “morning ‘til night device days,” then you give yourselves more options to adjust.

Our society is full of technology; we aren’t going to be able to avoid it all day, every day. Learning how to use the tools wisely will take time. Make sure that once you set your goals, you all devote yourselves to the goals every. single. day. Don’t try to talk one another into a reversion back to old ways “just for today.” You will be sabotaging your entire family goal if you do so.

As Proverbs 14:23 illustrates, “There is profit in all hard work, but endless talk leads only to poverty.” Meaning, that if we put in the hard work for our families, we will build a rich, beautiful family life.

May God bless your endeavors to deepen your family connection, whether you need to work on device time, communication skills, family devotions, or something else. Please let us know if we can be of any help in your efforts. Be blessed!