Good morning, Five Minute Families. Does your family use nicknames? Many of us have affectionate, endearing nicknames to our friends and family members. Some of our children have nicknames that they use as their main name; I have a nickname that I am known by to everyone I meet.

Some of us only allow the people closest to us use our nicknames without bristling that the other person has crossed an unspoken boundary. Some folks love to use already in-place nicknames because the nicknames make the speaker closer and more in touch with the other person.

And, still yet, some people love to give others a nickname of their own making. But, just like labels, nicknames can bring people closer together or they can tear them apart.

There are good nicknames and there are bad nicknames. Folks prone to nicknaming everyone are quite often not in tune with the disrespect or even hurt they are inflicting and, ultimately, how they are undermining the relationship. A basketball coach when I was in high school called me “Wanda Wideload.” Mind you, it was only in the last eight years that I have actually been overweight, but, as a teenager, I thought I was fat, especially with supposedly safe adults calling me “Wanda Wideload” every single day of high school because I worked in his office every day. Eventually, in hurt and anger, I started calling him “Lardy Larry,” which he just laughed away, but the hurt he inflicted as a trusted adult in my life was already done.

Not all nicknames will inflict that type of lasting hurt. The nicknamed person may accept that you won’t stop using the nickname even after they have politely asked you to stop – sometimes on more than one occasion. They may forgive you completely for disrespecting their boundary and request, buuut most often, polite acceptance is actually coupled with knowing you are someone NOT to be trusted and that you do not respect boundaries. If you cannot accept a boundary about something as simple as a nickname, then how are you to be trusted in anything bigger?

How does this apply to your family? Think about the nicknames you use. For example, our youngest has been known as Jojo since birth. He even still introduces himself that way sometimes, but he has begun to introduce himself as Joe or Joseph more and more often. At some point, he may ask us to stop using his nickname. Since it is a term of endearment, it will be difficult to drop, but for the stage of life where it bothers him, we will do our best to use the name he uses.

Here are some tips when dealing with nicknames:

If someone is using a nickname you do not like, hold a proper boundary. It is ok to say, “please don’t call me that.” You can even say, “I prefer” – and then say the name you prefer. Never forget Proverbs 15:1 which says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

If someone has asked you to stop using a nickname, you need to respect that by putting in the effort. Our nephew started going by a different name after we had moved away. It is still hard all these years later, but we try, and he seems to appreciate our effort to do so.

Note that not all nickname changes come from aging. Sometimes, a person fills pigeon-holed or insulted by a nickname. No matter the reason, put in the effort and apologize when you forget.

If you use a nickname for someone that YOU came up with, you need to check in with them and make sure that they are ok with your using it. Here’s a caveat to that, if they have already asked you not to call them that, then don’t and don’t ask if you can use it. Asking again puts them in the awkward position of reiterating what you already know but don’t want to accept. Annnd, they may give in, but again, the relationship may be chipped away each time you use that nickname.

Families are the ultimate place to practice God’s one anothering concepts, and using or not using nicknames in ways that help your loved ones feel encouraged and empowered is quite important. In this way you readily apply Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

Thank you for joining us this morning. May God guide you as you communicate clearly and kindly with those you love the most. Be blessed!